Saturday, October 27, 2012

When Faith Collides with Fear

Last year around this time I was returning from the biggest adventure of my life. 6 months in two different U.S. cities, and 3 locations in Lima, Peru. I returned a changed person.

Now as I examine my life, it seems as if I'm slipping back into my old ways. During my dts, those 6 months were crammed with so many things that I feared. Sharing my testimony in front of a room full of people that I desperately wanted to accept me, boarding a plane for the first time, eating weird foods, understanding none of the language besides "Hola!" Oh and "Gringa", and sharing the Gospel in front of people. I thought I had banished fear. I thought I had finally eluded his deadly grip.

But I haven't. Fear is an old friend. We've known each other a long time. And it seems like the fear is even more paralyzing this time around. Maybe I have more decisions to make, or maybe not. One thing I know, I've tried to step out of this fear. God knows I've tried. But it seems at every step I take fear assails me, ambushing me. Fear has become comfortable.

Mostly fear of being rejected. Fear of the unknown. Fear of the future. Fear of never being good enough and always being second best.

But I can't go on like this. Faith is colliding with my fear. So what am I to do?

I'm trying to make the next couple of blog posts about fear. Overcoming fear. Getting behind the reason it has such a hold on our lives.

Because often the scariest step is the first one.

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