I've never sat down to write a blog without having an outline in mind. I've always had it all figured out, exactly what I want to say, exactly how I want the outcome to look like.
This is spur of the moment, deciding-on-a-whim-type-thing. Which I don't do. EVER. If you know me, then you'll know I'm planned. But sometimes, those plans fail. And what do you do then?
I'm 21 and life is nothing like I ever thought it would be. I guess that's one of the main things I've learned: nothing is ever like you plan for. I guess it keeps life from getting boring.
And there are times, when dark storm clouds cover the horizon and it's nothing like what you planned for. Nobody ever plans for problems to come up, they never plan for worry to set in, and they never plan to have to resort to plan B. Annnnd that's where I'm at now.
Before this, everything always seemed to fall into place. My faith seemed to keep me grounded. And now, I'm struggling in putting those pieces together. My faith is something I have to work for. But at the same time, fighting for my faith made me realize that I WANT to search for God. I WANT to seek Him.
There's so much I'm facing that I'm unsure about. But I know that I'm not going to stop searching. I'm not going to stop seeking. I just have to work at it harder now. But I'm trying. I'm going to fight for joy.
Are you a planner or have you ever had to go with plan B? What are you fighting for today?
Sunday, September 9, 2012
Sometimes I feel as if life is in a fog.
A grey mist that swirls about everything we know, everything we do. It distracts us from our real purpose, it distracts us from God. It distracts us from really living the life we were made to live.
This grey fog is filled up with our busy days, stretching and pulling at us. The grey is the lies we've believed, who we've made ourselves to be.The perfect image that we compare ourselves too.
This fog is deadly.
But there's something about it that can be even deadlier.
The fogs wraps around who we're made God out to be. It shadows God in lies and ideas and assumptions. It injects lofty religion and loftier rules. It takes away the beauty, power, glory and mystery of God and replaces them with a boring, mundane god that knows nothing about our dreams and nothing about who we are.
But there are times when a ray of sunlight cuts through the fog, the beam shines onto our soul and awakens and warms our hearts.
It resurrects the mystery, the beauty of God once more by banishing this fog. It's as if God is whispering, "I'm here. Behind those ideas and lies you've made me out to be. Let me show you who I really am. I'm here." God is trying to break through this fog that holds us captive by showing us the light.
These beautiful, sunlit moments shatter the fog and break into our lives. We're often caught unawares and such pure beauty cuts to our souls. It's something we feel, something deep, mysterious, as if you've just stumbled upon the truth. For that's what it is: Truth. It resonates in your heart and makes you say, "Yes, this, THIS is what I was made for. THIS is the God I know."
These moments are beautiful: In DTS when I read and truly believed that I was a conqueror in Christ and it had me jumping for joy. The first time I heard 'The Way' by Jeremy Camp and knew my soul was made to cry out to Jesus! The first time I read Zephaniah 3:17 and realized God's love is so much greater. When I cried listening to Gandalf describe those white shores because I knew someday I would stand on those white shores with my Savior. When a blog post about grace takes my breath away.
You know what I'm talking about. Moments when you finally understand. When you finally see.
These things make us feel, and for a time, illuminate our life and dispel the fog around us.
It's for these moments, those beautiful, glorious moments; that we are alive.
Let us fight against this fog, for this is a very real fight. But by these small glimpses of light we shall see everything.
1 Corinthians 13:12, "We don’t yet see things clearly. We’re squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won’t be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We’ll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us!" The Message