On the road of the inbetween....



Do you ever find yourself feeling as if you're not sure in what direction you should be heading? The road that you've been following for so long now leaves you at an intersection of many different roads. Where to go from here? They all look the same, yet are each a little different. Which do I chose?

That's where I find myself at now. All these different roads but no atlas! Don't you wish sometimes that life came with a map? I do. But then life wouldn't be the surprise that it is, and when it comes down to it, would there really be any joy in that?

I feel like I'm stuck in the inbetween. Between where I am, and where I should be going. I just don't know how to get there. I have many different options, but none seem to be the right one.

I'm looking to God for direction in this. But it looks like He's showing me a lesson in patience. After all, this is what God told Abraham: Genesis 12:1(the Message), 'God told Abram: "Leave your country, your family and your father's home for a land that I will show you."'
    Abraham has no idea where he was supposed to go but he knew he was supposed to go. So, he went. Just following God even when he didn't know where God was leading him. At the end, he ended up with having more ancestors than the grains of sands.

Abraham trusted and went. I wish I could go and follow after God wherever He was telling me to go. But my directions are a bit foggy right now.
    So here I stand, at the inbetween, wondering in what direction I should be heading...... 

Serving God and letting go of control.....

One of the hardest things that God has been teaching me lately is letting go. Letting go of my control, letting go of my worry, letting go of everything that I've been holding on to so tightly. I try to plan, I try to calculate and in the end, I try to direct my own path. I'm not trusting that God will pull through and be

there in the end.

In the last few days, God has been gently trying to tell me to open up my hands and give it to Him. He has amazing dreams and plans for us, but we can't accept His until we let go of our's.

I'm reading a great book called 'The Art of Being' by Constance Rhodes. In a chapter by Jill Phillips, she talks about letting go of control:

It talks about God's Will for our lives. We're all trying so hard to figure out God's Will that we forget that it's actually a journey, a marathon instead of a sprint. So Jill passes on the wise words of her friend, "God's will is that He be glorified."

So no matter waht we're doing, we can be bringing glory to God. God does speak very specifically into our lives, but sometimes we have to be willing to see that God doesn't always give us a 5-year plan. He's more into letting us trust and see. Because if God really did give us our 5-year plan, there wouldn't be much room left to trust.We have to be willing to let go of our security and follow God on the great adventure that He has planned for us.

I was reading in my Bible, and God showed me a verse that went along with this:

1 Peter 2:16, "Live as people who are free, not using your freedom as a cover-up for evil, but living as Servants of God."

Mostly the last little line, Living as servants of God. The Greek word for Servant is Du-los, which means "devoted to another to the disregard of one's own interest." Am I that devoted to God? I guess that's what it really means when it says we have to die to self. To be completely devoted to Jesus and disregard our own control and comfort zones to follow Him. If you go even deeper into the root of the word Du-los, it is de'-o. Meaning "to bind, tie, fasten". We are to bind ourselves to Jesus. To fasten our faith, our hope in Him. Our control. That is what it means to be a servant of Christ.

God is gently calling me to step out of my boat and onto the water. To be a servant of God.

And it all comes back to....Love

I've had alot on my mind lately. Now that can be a good thing, or a bad thing. A good thing when it motivates you, a bad thing when it leads you to stress and frustration. If you've read any of my blog before this, I've talked about completing DTS. Now that's it over and done, it's like I'm beginning to see the world in a new light. And it's starting to break my heart.

This has been brought on by many different things, but mostly just viewing the world. In a place where our value was in Jesus Christ and we were so open and honest with one another, and then to come back to the "world" and see where most people have placed their value in and wear masks that we can never take off.
    When have we turned from our foundations and looked for value and self-worth in the things of this world? When have we traded in our love and hope for nothing more than a conterfeit? We've lost all sight of what life and love really means.
    When I say "we" I'm generally referring to the world today. Society. I also don't want you to read this and think, "Well, she's coming off like she thinks she knows it all!" Because I don't. I'll be the first to admit that I don't. But this is just me, trying to search for words to match what I'm thinking. And, well this is the results.

I hate that the world has traded in "family" and tried to replace it with something generic. I hate that everyday I walk past people who don't know what the true love of Jesus looks like. I recently ran past a person who I heard say, "I hate going to church because it makes me feel like an outcast." What would Jesus have to say about that? It's heartbreaking to see that this is the world we live in. If you're a Christian, you may know what I'm talking about. This time were you feel like darkness is slowly edging out the light. And you know it's not, so you hold on and wait for the light of day to break through once again. That's where I'm at.

I hate that Christianity has become nothing more than another religion. And I hate the part that I play in that. I'll admit that many times in my life I've turned a relationship with Jesus into a set of rules. I've turned praying into a vending machine from God. I've prayed for answers, but never wanted to be a part of the answers. I claimed I "knew" God, but I didn't know who He really was. I was among the very worst of them. And that's when Christianity became a religion. That's when it became stale and I slowly started to die on the inside. I had to turn back to Jesus and really seek who He is. I had to realize I don't know everything about God and I had to admit that. And be okay with that. I had to get down on my knees and surrender. And it's when we do that, when we admit we need something more than oursleves, when we realize that we're not the center of the world and we don't have all the answers, that sweet freedom finally comes. When the grace of God steps in and meets us where we are. Where it transforms us into new creations.

I'm tired of the world not wanting to know Jesus because they can't see a difference in His followers. I'm tired of seeing the world die and knowing that we have the answer to eternal life. I want Christians to be radical again. I'm mostly speaking about me here. But maybe you fall into that category too. I'm done with this world, I want Jesus. I want to show the world who He is. And I can only do that through love. It all comes back to love.

"Give Me Jesus" By Jeremy Camp
"Give me Jesus, Give me Jesus. You can have all this world, just give me Jesus."

Mission Trip to Peru

For anyone reading this, we just got back from Lima, Peru! I have been doing a Discipleship Training School with YWAM and our team of 20 went on a month long trip. God did amazing things and it was life changing.

I saw God work through our team and speak into peoples' lives, especially through the drama that we do called 'Doors'. Doors shows  how we often choose the temptations of sin over following God and how easily ensnared we can get trapped in that. But at the end, God is the only one who sets us free from sin and He has been pursuing us all along. God uses this story in big ways.

One of these was while we were in a place called San Martine Del Porres. We do our drama on the sidewalk of a busy Peruvian street next to where all of the buses stop. We soon have a small crowd. After our drama is over, we go out to talk to the people. I talked to a lady and shared about the drama with her and she was soon crying. She talked to us about how she had been having problems at home and she had been praying that if God loved her that He would show her a sign. She had been taking a bus, far from where she lived, and happened to see our drama. She said that when she saw the drama, she knew we were that sign from God. And she knew that God loved her. We prayed and then she left us saying her life would never be the same.

This is just one of the many stories that I have from our time in Peru. It's just amazing to me to see how God loves and pursues each and everyone of us. He brought this lady on a bus, far from her home, to see us, a group from the United States performing a drama on a Peruvian Street. Crazy. Sometimes we don't realize how much God loves us and wants to speak into our lives.

What is God trying to say in your life?

Following God..

I haven't updated in so long! My goodness, so much has happened in the last month.....

I am currently  in a Discipleship Training school with YWAM at the moment. We're in about week 4 and God has already been stretching me in so many different ways. The team that I'm here with is absolutely amazing. We come from 5 different countries (and this is just the students) and about 8 different states. It's amazing to see that God has brought so many different people together for one purpose.

For me this DTS has been so good. I'm growing closer to God. All the preconceived notions and ideas that I had about who I thought God was, have been completely demolished. But it's awesome being with people who feel the same way I do. That we love God and want to serve Him.

The teacher we have now, gave a talk about ministry and reaching out to others, and I am now fully convinced that I always want to be involed in either missions or ministry. I want to reach out. I want to show others that love and hope that can only be found in Jesus.

But I'm not going to lie, it's been hard. Really hard. I've wanted to give up. But I know God has a plan in this.

So, my message for anyone who happens across this blog:

Jesus Loves You! :)

Stepping Out of Your Shire

There comes a point in life (possibly more than one) when you stop and think, What in the world was I thinking? I've come to this point.
 I have a perfectly comfortable, normal life. But I felt as if God was calling me to do a Discipleship Training School with Youth With A Mission. If you don't know what that is, YWAM spreads the Word of God throughout the world and equips people to do the same. So the school is three months at the base, two months mission trip. And for me, this will mean stepping so far out of my comfort zone, doing things I'm not used to doing (praying outloud, speaking in front of people), meeting new people and going new places.... What was I thinking?! I guess I'm at that point where faith and fear collide. We'll see where God takes it!
 Almost exactly a year ago, I wrote a devotional on stepping out of your comfort zone based on the Lord of the Rings. I found it pretty relevant to what I'm going through now, so I thought you might be interested:
                     
                        Stepping Out of Your Shire

The little company of Frodo and friends is gathered in Rivendell, discussing what should be done with the Ring (if you don't follow the Lord of the Rings, the ring is something that must be destroyed so peace can return to the land. Got it? :P). Someone suggests giving it to Tom Bombabil, the sweet although odd, caretaker of the Old forest; who seems untouched and unworried by evil. Seems like a perfect solution! But Gandalf soon brings that idea to a halt, saying that Tom's power is limited only to his land:
 'And now he is withdrawn into a little land, within bounds he has set, though none can see them, waiting perhaps for a change of days.'- Gandalf, The Fellowship of The Ring page 298
 Somewhere in life, we draw our bounds, we set our lines. We chalk out the area of our comfort zone. We say, "This is the line I will not cross.  Even one step out means danger, uncertainty, and maybe even adventure. I'm not doing it! I'll stay right here!" As Christians should we even have comfort zones?! Caution, in some cases, yes. Boundaries that keep you from sinning, absolutely. But a comfort zone that boxes us in from the rest of the world? We're missing that freedom of Christ. Do you think Jesus had a comfort zone? I'm not thinking so. He touched lepers,  He talked to Samaritans, He ate dinner with tax collectors! He had no comfort zone. He wasn't afraid to step out, touch others, challenge the normal. And we shouldn't be either.

We're kind of like hobbits. Perfectly content in our own little world, in our shire, while the rest of the world moves along without us. Adventure is frowned upon and we keep busy floating in our own little world. We never step outside the Shire, never come in contact with people outside. And that's how they live their lives. But one day, a hobbit is called on a adventure that takes him far beyond the shire. And in the end Frodo Baggins from the Shire, changed the world. Changes the course of history.
 God is calling us little hobbits out of our shire. Out of our comfortable lives to go on our own adventure. To serve Him and maybe touch a few lives along the way. Whether that adventure includes lighting the beacons of Minas Tirith or lighting the fire of faith, rousing the Ents of Fangorn or rousing Christian soldiers to pray, or storming the gates of Mordor itself, I don't know. But we'll never know unless we take a chance and step out of our own shire.
 Frodo made a decision that day that he was the one to take the ring to Mordor. He stepped out of his shire and his life was never the same.

But Frodo wasn't unchanged by his journey. He was so changed that in the end, he couldn't find happiness in his own little shire anymore. So at the end of his journey, he made one last journey, to the Undying Land.
 We won't remain unchanged if we step out of our shire either. God will change us. We won't be content by our shire any longer. For we were made for more. So much more. And our true home will be in Heaven, the ultimate Undying Land.

        But the first step, is stepping out of our shire. 

"We are too quick to accept the life we know and not quick enough to embrace the life we can only imagine."
    -The First King of Shannara pg. 107

One Word

In church this morning, my Pastor told us of a challenge he heard of on K-LOVE. It's called My One Word. And for the year of 2011, you pick one word that you want to work on for the rest of the year. Words like trust, love, humility, faith, joy, grace. It's a resolution. But a resolution to change the way you live. I know it's a little past new year's, but that's okay. This is a resolution to stick to. The My One Word website it has alot of great resources to help you accomplish your word and stick to it for one year.

What will your Word be?

I picked the word GIVE. Why Give? Because this is the year I'm going to GIVE it all to God. I'm going to give Him my life, my future, worry, stress, time, money, trust, love. I'm going to get up every day and GIVE it all to God.

There's alot I need to give to God! Especially my future. I've been holding onto my future so tighly but God is saying give it to me. Let me take care of it. Give me your worry and I will give you peace. I need to let go.
And worrying! Oh how worrying can sneak into your life. I spend more time worrying than I do praying, sadly. That's something I need to give to God!

I'm excited about My Word. Let's see where God takes this!