Trapped in a prison with no walls (and the way out)

You know something? God is awesome. Really. Sometimes He just shows you a brief glimpse of what we need, that brief glimpse that there is more. And it keeps us going.

I recently read the book "Sanctuary" by Ted Dekker. No, this isn't a review but if you're looking for one, I suggest going and buying it. It's THAT good. If any of you are Dekker fans out there, you know this guys is brilliant. And this is another tale that goes to show that.
    The thing about Ted Dekker books is that even when you guess at the ending, it turns out to be beautiful and heart wrenching. It uncovers truth with such stark clarity, cold and beautiful and intense that you're taken aback and when you close the cover you feel as though you've been on a journey. Because, well, you have been. A lot for a book. I know...and yet, I feel as if you love books you might know what I'm talking about. It's a peek into something....something greater. But really now, I'll just write about the book:
To explain what happens in this book would require a lot of background, a lot of the plot of the story. And I don't want to give anything away. This is a sequel to "Priest's Graveyard". It is about Danny and Renee, two who are madly in love but are separated by Danny's prison sentence (which you can find out why in the book). After Danny is newly transferred to another prison, him and Renee are both plunged into a game with deadly consequences. It's a book of intrigue and mystery, pulling you along until you are flipping through the pages with no plan to stop.
But the truth that I took away from this book is that we all have our own prisons. They may not be made with concrete or steel, but they are prisons just the same. 
    "In truth we all exist in our own sanctuaries- but I don't mean cathedrals or prisons. I'm talking about our hearts and our minds, which imprison us in anxiety, fear, insecurity, anger and other forms of misery. The walls and bars that keep most in a state on constant suffering are thoughts and emotions, not concrete and steel. It's a disease. Insanity. Most are afflicted but it, regardless of which side of the law they find themselves on or where they lay their heads at night. To be free of this is to be free indeed." Page 400.


What prisons are we living in without even realizing it? Mine would have to be the prison of fear. It keeps me trapped in doubts and worries and the enemy delights to see me trapped in it. What can we do? We cannot redeem ourselves for what a futile effort that will prove. So what do we do? Yet- But YET- there is a Savior that banishes all fear, breaking through every door and chain to save us. And then, when the pathway stands clear to freedom, He does not force it upon us but rather He waits for us to take His hand. It's our choice.


Colossians 1:13-24, "He has delivered us from the domain of darkness and has transferred us to the Kingdom of His beloved Son, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of  sons." ESV


These prisons hold no power over us. Because we have a Savior who has come to pull us from the darkness. To Save us.

Taking that first step

I've been debating for a long time on a decision. A big decision. One that could change my future. Yet even though I want to say yes to this step toward a better future, something holds me back. So what is it?

Fear.


Sometimes God is calling us to take that first step into the water before He shows us the rest of the way. We have to take that first step in faith. Stepping into the water, trusting that God is going to make that waters dry up to save us. 

That much-hated little word. Thief of dreams and hopes. Holding you in paralyzing indecision for fear of making the wrong choice. Yes, that fear.

As I sit here contemplating the pros and cons, so many thoughts going through my head. I've prayed about it. Again and again and again. And then I read this:

 ^{Joshua 3:13-16, "}And as soon as the priests who carry the ark of the Lord—the Lord of all the earth—set foot in the Jordan, its waters flowing downstream will be cut off and stand up in a heap. So when the people broke camp to cross the Jordan, the priests carrying the ark of the covenant went ahead of them. Now the Jordan is at flood stage all during harvest. Yet as soon as the priests who carried the ark reached the Jordan and their feet touched the water’s edge, the water from upstream stopped flowing. It piled up in a heap a great distance away, at a town called Adam in the vicinity of Zarethan, while the water flowing down to the Sea of the Arabah (that is, the Dead Sea) was completely cut off. So the people crossed over opposite Jericho."

Joshua was leading the people of Israel out of Egypt (after Moses died) and they came to the river Jordan. They had to get across. It was the season where the Jordan was overflowing, water spilling from it's banks. And an overflowing river can be scary. Yet God told Joshua that as soon as the feet of the priests touched the water, the water would dry up. These people had heard about what God did for their fathers and mothers in parting the Red Sea. But would He do it for them?  They were probably fearful. But they did it. They faced their fear. And as soon as their feet touched the water, it dried up. 

This really spoke to me. 


Sometimes God is calling us to take that first step into the water before He shows us the rest of the way. We have to take that first step in faith. Stepping into the water, trusting that God is going to make that waters dry up to save us. 

I have a little bit of work on having that kind of faith. But I'll try. With my decision of taking my education farther and all that that includes, I will look to God as I take the first step.

What step do you need to take?

When Faith Collides with Fear

Last year around this time I was returning from the biggest adventure of my life. 6 months in two different U.S. cities, and 3 locations in Lima, Peru. I returned a changed person.

Now as I examine my life, it seems as if I'm slipping back into my old ways. During my dts, those 6 months were crammed with so many things that I feared. Sharing my testimony in front of a room full of people that I desperately wanted to accept me, boarding a plane for the first time, eating weird foods, understanding none of the language besides "Hola!" Oh and "Gringa", and sharing the Gospel in front of people. I thought I had banished fear. I thought I had finally eluded his deadly grip.

But I haven't. Fear is an old friend. We've known each other a long time. And it seems like the fear is even more paralyzing this time around. Maybe I have more decisions to make, or maybe not. One thing I know, I've tried to step out of this fear. God knows I've tried. But it seems at every step I take fear assails me, ambushing me. Fear has become comfortable.

Mostly fear of being rejected. Fear of the unknown. Fear of the future. Fear of never being good enough and always being second best.

But I can't go on like this. Faith is colliding with my fear. So what am I to do?

I'm trying to make the next couple of blog posts about fear. Overcoming fear. Getting behind the reason it has such a hold on our lives.

Because often the scariest step is the first one.

Truthfully honest in searching for God...

I've never sat down to write a blog without having an outline in mind. I've always had it all figured out, exactly what I want to say, exactly how I want the outcome to look like.

Not today.

This is spur of the moment, deciding-on-a-whim-type-thing. Which I don't do. EVER. If you know me, then you'll know I'm planned. But sometimes, those plans fail. And what do you do then?

I'm 21 and life is nothing like I ever thought it would be. I guess that's one of the main things I've learned: nothing is ever like you plan for. I guess it keeps life from getting boring.

And there are times, when dark storm clouds cover the horizon and it's nothing like what you planned for. Nobody ever plans for problems to come up, they never plan for worry to set in, and they never plan to have to resort to plan B. Annnnd that's where I'm at now.

Before this, everything always seemed to fall into place. My faith seemed to keep me grounded. And now, I'm struggling in putting those pieces together. My faith is something I have to work for. But at the same time, fighting for my faith made me realize that I WANT to search for God. I WANT to seek Him.

There's so much I'm facing that I'm unsure about. But I know that I'm not going to stop searching. I'm not going to stop seeking. I just have to work at it harder now. But I'm trying. I'm going to fight for joy.

Are you a planner or have you ever had to go with plan B? What are you fighting for today?

Glimpse of Light

Sometimes I feel as if life is in a fog.

  A grey mist that swirls about everything we know, everything we do. It distracts us from our real purpose, it distracts us from God. It distracts us from really living the life we were made to live.

 
  This grey fog is filled up with our busy days, stretching and pulling at us. The grey is the lies we've believed, who we've made ourselves to be.The perfect image that we compare ourselves too.

  This fog is deadly.

  But there's something about it that can be even deadlier.

  The fogs wraps around who we're made God out to be. It shadows God in lies and ideas and assumptions. It injects lofty religion and loftier rules. It takes away the beauty, power, glory and mystery of God and replaces them with a boring, mundane god that knows nothing about our dreams and nothing about who we are.

  But there are times when a ray of sunlight cuts through the fog, the beam shines onto our soul and awakens and warms our hearts.
It resurrects the mystery, the beauty of God once more by banishing this fog. It's as if God is whispering, "I'm here. Behind those ideas and lies you've made me out to be. Let me show you who I really am. I'm here." God is trying to break through this fog that holds us captive by showing us the light.

  These beautiful, sunlit moments shatter the fog and break into our lives. We're often caught unawares and such pure beauty cuts to our souls. It's something we feel, something deep, mysterious, as if you've just stumbled upon the truth. For that's what it is: Truth. It resonates in your heart and makes you say, "Yes, this, THIS is what I was made for. THIS is the God I know."
 
  These moments are beautiful: In DTS when I read and truly believed that I was a conqueror in Christ and it had me jumping for joy. The first time I heard 'The Way' by Jeremy Camp and knew my soul was made to cry out to Jesus! The first time I read Zephaniah 3:17 and realized God's love is so much greater. When I cried listening to Gandalf describe those white shores because I knew someday I would stand on those white shores with my Savior. When a blog post about grace takes my breath away.
  You know what I'm talking about. Moments when you finally understand. When you finally see.

 These things make us feel, and for a time, illuminate our life and dispel the fog around us.

  It's for these moments, those beautiful, glorious moments; that we are alive.

  Let us fight against this fog, for this is a very real fight. But by these small glimpses of light we shall see everything. 

1 Corinthians 13:12, "We don’t yet see things clearly. We’re squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won’t be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We’ll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us!" The Message

New Perspective....

This week Carmi's thematic challenge at Written Inc. is 'From Behind'. I didn't realize what a challenge it was until I looked through my photos! But there were a few:

My puppy watching from the river bank.

My brother and mom: You have to love mother-son moments like these. 

We don't realize how special they are. 

And to cap it off from behind: A little fun! 

Some Cloudy photos - Thematic 206

Over at Written Inc. , this week's thematic theme is Cloudy. There are some amazing photos over there so you should definitely check them out! Here are a few of my cloudy pictures....

"Then suddenly Merry felt it at last, beyond doubt: a change. Wind was in his face! Light was glimmering. Far, far away, in the South the clouds could be dimly seen as remote grey shapes, rolling up, drifting: morning lay beyond them." -J.R.R. Tolkien, The Return of the King

 

The two pictures above were shot on the same night, a few minutes apart. It's incredible how quickly the clouds can change into such beautiful colors.